Teenage Relationships from a Teen's Point of View

Why Do So Many Teens Get Involved in Boy-Girl Relationships? (Part 10)

2010-05-11T17:38:00.003+08:00

Let's move on to number 10 - They have a grotesque or personal reason. This reason is pretty interesting actually. Let's get into it.

Individuals are motivated to act by different things. These motivations would compel and influence us to act in a certain way. In the area of relationships, sometimes people have certain 'objectives' or 'personal reasons' and why they get into them. For example, maybe this guy has the objective of getting many girlfriends? Or it could be wanting to learn about human behavior? It could be many things. Often, it is just sick or unethical. However, there are times where both parties have similar personal reasons. Thus, the term 'fling' emerges.

He/she might even think of it as a game. A game that they actively engage in to have fun and enjoy each other's company. In cases like this, if one party does not share the reason, but rather is serious about the relationship, he/she would most definitely get hurt. When the truth unfolds, he/she would feel cheated. Thus the term "player" and the phrase, "I got played".

However, if both parties share the same reasons, I suppose they will just be a 'fling'. This would most probably not hurt them. But, it would most probably affect them in one way or another. I believe that individuals must be very careful as to not fall into this, unless they have the same objectives.

Life is a zoo in a jungle.

- Peter De Vries

take care,

~daN~

Life is a game, don't get played.

Why Do So Many Teens Get Involved in Boy-Girl Relationships? (Part 9)

2010-04-30T21:45:00.003+08:00

Okay!! So we're on to part 9.. (I can't wait to move on to the next subject)... :)

The next reason is that they are looking for long-term commitment. But not marriage. In most cases, this is because they are serious... but they do not have marriage in mind at the moment. I believe that this is a really good reason for getting into a relationship. It is when he/she is really interested in a long-term relationship and not playing around. Relationships based on this reason would be good learning experiences. Many individuals, including me, have gone through these kind of relationships and come out with a good experience and something that they would never forget or/and regret.

This is a really simple reason because, most of the time, it turns out with good outcomes. Either they do get married in the end, or they both realize that they are not meant for each other and split with good memories and no regrets. However, there are always those cases where it ends badly. As they say, "The longer the relationship, the more painful it will feel when it ends". Or at least I say that. I believe that when nearing those situations, both parties should try their best to be as objective as they can about when handling it. Looking at it as a good learning experience rather then broken hearts would help. Life would never be the same if one goes through such long-term relationships. By long-term, I mean at least 1 plus years.

In the end, it is up to each individual on how they look at it. One can choose to be either positive, or negative. Choosing whether to be optimistic or not would alter results and emotions drastically. Relationships can be learning experiences. They are not everything. You won't die because of one. Take a deep breath, count to ten, and see that life can be beautiful without him/her. There's someone special out there for you. Just wait and see. ;)

"Happiness comes of the capacity to feel deeply, to enjoy simply, to think freely, to risk life, to be needed"

- Storm Jameson

take care,

~daN~

Why Do So Many Teens Get Involved in Boy-Girl Relationships? (Part 8)

2010-04-21T13:19:00.003+08:00

Alright!! I'm back again!! So now on to reason number 8 - They want to 'dig' their BF/GF.

This reason is as simple as it sounds. This is when a someone is, as they say it, 'in it for the money'. Although is my sound really cheap, it happens more than we expect it to. Money is not everything, however, money is definitely a strong motivator. People do all kinds of 'unethical' things for the sake of money.

This subject is fairly sensitive among the 'higher community'. Often, one would find it hard to be a hundred percent sure that his/her partner doesn't love him/her for the money. Especially if the individual is very wealthy. In such situations, one has to be very careful as people are becoming better and better at acting and faking it. Often, only time would tell.

This might sound 'fake' and 'sinister'. However, in many cases, the one that got into the relationship for the money starts to fall for his/her 'mark'. This may happened due to a few reasons. Let's take it back to the start.

Why would one get into a relationship for the money in the first place? One of the main reasons is because he/she experienced little or no love when he/she was growing up. Thus, he/she would not know how it's like to truly love and be loved in return. When their 'mark' shows them real and true love, they might actually fall in love as well. Thus, they wouldn't be in it for the money, but instead, for love itself. Another reason is that he/she was hurt by a past relationship that left him/her scared. This might cause him/her to lose hope in 'love'. Thus, money becomes the motivation for relationships in place of love.

In spite of the reasons and causes above, I still believe that each individual is responsible for their own actions. One has no right to blame their actions on something else or on their past. In the end, it's the decisions we make that would decide our reality. Shit happens. It's not how much shit that matters, it's how we react to them that does.

"Happiness depends upon ourselves."

- Aristotle

take care,

~daN~

Why Do So Many Teens Get Involved in Boy-Girl Relationships? (Part 7b)

2010-04-06T22:03:00.005+08:00

Wow. It has been ages since I last updated. Almost a year!! Ok, so one year and a new city later (I'm in Melbourne). I've definitely seen more and experienced more than before. So here we go on to Part 7b - They miss their past relationship and want to taste it again. Like a 'bounce back' or something to do with their ex. We split this reason into two parts. So we're on the second part - Revenge of some sort.

Okay, for example, guy breaks up with girl. Girl takes it really badly; however, the guy 'seems' to not be affected by what's happened. This happens in many cases because of the ego that all guys have. Guys don't want to look emotional or 'weak', especially in front of other guys. That's just the way it works. Thus, they put on a front and pretend to 'not care'. This causes many girls to think that their ex is 'heartless' and such. Generally, the girl would just be heartbroken and try to forget his ever existence. However, some individuals would want to take revenge. How would they do this? He/she would get into a relationship JUST to rub it in his/her ex's face. This is extremely spiteful and I totally despise people who do this.

So then a new relationship is formed. Just think about it. How would a relationship made and built on spite turn out? Obviously, it'll most probably end not too long after it starts. And like I've mentioned before, unless he/she finds another reason for the relationship instead of just 'getting back' at his/her ex, it would end badly. Even more so in this case, as the individual is really an ass to get into a relationship just to spite someone else. This might sound like, "Who would ever do this?" But trust me people, it happens. (I guess some people are just real asses)

Since the basic cause for this is often just a misunderstanding, what one should do is be direct and get everything out in the open. Assumptions are one of the worst enemies of relationships of all kinds. As they say, "To Assume is to make an ASS of U and ME". Thus, I would advice to just be bold and say what you have to say. Ask what you need to ask. That way, there would be minimal misunderstandings and life would be so much simpler, with less drama. Everybody hates drama.

"In taking revenge, a man is even with his enemy; but in passing over it, he is superior"

- Sir Francis Bacon

take care people,

~daN~

Why Do So Many Teens Get Involved in Boy-Girl Relationships? (Part 7a)

2009-05-01T08:09:00.006+08:00

It rained this morning. It hasn't rained a quite a while. I haven't updated in quite a while as well. Anyway, here I am. Moving on to Part 7!

So, reason number 7 - They miss their past relationship and want to taste it again. Like a 'bounce back' or something to do with their ex. This reason is broken into 2 parts. The first - Bounce Back. The Second - Revenge of some sort.

Today, let me explain the part 1 - Bounce Back. Okay, so let's say I just went through a BAD break-up. My feelings would be all over the place. During this time, all I would want is something or someone that could distract or take my attention away from the past relationship and the pain that comes with the memory. I'd be basically 'open'. Then I meet this girl the next day and I think she's pretty cool. Subsequently, I get with her so that I would have someone to put my attention on instead of thinking about my past hurts.

A new relationship is formed. It is one of the easiest ways to 'cure' the pain from the past break-up. And many people use that. However, there's a BIG problem. You see, the whole reason for the relationship was not because the girl's merits, but rather the pain from the past. In the future, both parties would eventually realize that their relationship was based on basically nothing. Unless they find another reason why they're together, their relationship would not last. It would probably end painfully. Thus the vicious cycle continues.

What one should do is find another source to distract himself. Maybe a new hobby, a new interest. Because if he doesn't, he would be forever trapped in the cycle of painful break-ups and bounce backs.

Never pretend to a love which you do not actually feel, for love is not ours to command.

-Alan Watts

till next time,

~daN~

ps: Part 7b is next

Why Do So Many Teens Get Involved in Boy-Girl Relationships? (Part 6)

2009-02-19T09:11:00.006+08:00

Let us look at the list of reasons once again as a recap:

They just want to feel loved and accepted by someone. √
They are looking for recognition among their friends. √
They just want to have sex. √
They want to satisfy their desire to get with the person they 'like' or have a crush on. √
They want to try it out and see for themselves how one is like. √
They're lonely and want someone to be with.
They miss their past relationship and want to taste it again. Like a 'bounce back' or something to do with their ex.
They want to 'dig' their BF/GF.
They are looking for a long-term commitment. But not marriage.
They have a grotesque personal reason.
They hope that the person would be a suitable person to spend the rest of their lives with.

The next reason is number 6 - They're lonely and want someone to be with. Many times, because one feels all alone and that no one 'cares' for them, they would turn to romantic relationships to 'keep them company'.

The problem about trying to use relationships to 'cure' their loneliness is that the base root problem isn't solved. And his/her inability to make friends or have company would be also brought into his/her relationship. This would also breed insecurity which will affect the relationship in a big way. If the root problem isn't solved, the individual's problem of loneliness would reoccur. And he/she would be back to square one.

Instead of trying to cure loneliness with BGR, one should do some self-improvement and learn to make friends and keep them, thus taking care of the root problem. Once the root problem, one can enter into relationships with a clear mind. This would remove many problems that insecurities and loneliness could cause.

However, there are cases that when the individual learns from their relationship and 'discovers themselves'. In other words, he/she 'opens up' and learns how not to be lonely anymore. In cases like these, the aspects of relationships themselves solved their problem of loneliness.

There are many different outcomes when it comes to relationships. This is because every one of us is different. Thus, in the end, it's in the hands of each individual.

"To fall in love is easy, even to remain in it is not difficult; our human loneliness is cause enough. But it is a hard quest worth making to find a comrade through whose steady presence one becomes steadily the person one desires to be"

- Anna Louise Strong

take care,

~daN~

Why Do So Many Teens Get Involved in Boy-Girl Relationships? (Part 5)

2009-02-12T14:23:00.004+08:00

Okay!! Sorry for the long break.

Let's now move on to the next reason. Reason 5 - "They want to try it out and see for themselves how one(relationship) is like".

This reason is caused by curiosity. Curiosity is something that every one of us has. We may not want to admit it, but curiosity gets us into trouble many times, hence the phrase "Curiosity Killed the Cat". So what can we learn from this? That we must be careful of our curiosity because it can make us do things that could harm us.

Many, many teenagers get involved in relationships because of this reason. And as I said in Part 4, it is up to the individual to decide whether it'll turn out okay. In almost all cases, relationships that are made because of this reason don't last long. However, their break-ups are much less painful. Why? This is because the individuals (most of the time) are young, and this was their first relationship. It was very casual and most of the time, both parties would understand that they were just 'trying it out'.

However, if they got serious and had sex or any form of it, then it'll be bad (unless both parties were 'playing around'). So, what one must do is to watch out for his/her curiosity; because it could cause drastic consequences.

"One's first love is always perfect until one meets one's second love"

- Elizabeth Aston

take care,

~daN~

Why Do So Many Teens Get Involved in Boy-Girl Relationships? (Part 4)

2009-02-03T01:32:00.003+08:00

Okay, now let's move on to the next reason why teens get involved in boy-girl relationships. Reason number 4 - "They want to satisfy their desire to get with the person they 'like' or have a crush on."

"Guess what? I like ____ (person's name) and I wanna get with her!" "This girl I met the other day is so hot! I need to get with her!" Any of these sound familiar? I should think so.

In every one of us (of course there are exceptions), there is a desire to 'pair up' or get with someone. Usually, this desire 'kicks in' only after puberty. It all starts when the individual begins to notice the opposite sex in a whole new level. I think you guys know what I mean.

Some call it puppy love, others call it infatuation. Basically, it's a whole bunch of feelings that seem to not be able to be controlled. These feelings cause many things; for example, it would cause him/her to only see all the good points about the other person. This is how the phrase 'Love is Blind' came about.

Frankly speaking, that's not real love. Because, one cannot love another without knowing him/her. A lot of problems can arise when teens in relationships misunderstand what love is and isn't. But, that's a story for another day too.

In essence, the fourth reason is plainly due to the natural in-built desire to 'pair-up'. Personally, I think it's a valid reason for one to get into a relationship. However, for them to last long together, he/she must find a more meaningful reason in their relationship. Getting together because of their 'feelings' would cause one to see more in his/her life. It could be good, it could be bad. The power to sway the outcome in either direction lies in each individual. Handle your feelings with care.

"Perhaps the feelings we experience when we are in love represent a normal state. Being in love shows a person who he should be"

- Anton Chekhov

take care,

~daN~

Why Do So Many Teens Get Involved in Boy-Girl Relationships? (Part 3)

2009-01-29T22:29:00.006+08:00

Alright, let's continue to the next reason why 'so many teens get involved in boy-girl relationships'. The next one - They just want to have SEX.

Honestly, there are many teens (older ones too) that get into relationships for this reason. More people than you would like to believe are only interested in having sex with their BF/GF. You may think this only applies to guys, but seriously and surprisingly, more and more girls are getting into relationships for this reason too. But of course it's still much more common for guys.

I think that this is almost the worst, if not the worst reason to get into a relationship. First of all, it's going to work out really bad. For example, let's just say Joe got with Kate just for the sex. What happens when sex becomes boring to him? Well, he would certainly look for another place to quench his lustful desires. Obviously, he's gonna look for someone else.

When that happens, Kate (that got into the relationship for a purer reason) is going to feel used. This could cause countless of problems in her life, Low self-esteem and depression are examples. *Guys get off much better from these relationships, because they won't really feel used*

I've got nothing to say to those people that get into relationships just for the sex. I only have some words to say to those that are looking for a relationship for the other better reasons. Two words, "Be Careful".

Make sure you really know the guy/girl before you move to the 'next step' in your relationship. It is very important that you know his/her motives. Far too many people have been hurt because they 'just wanted to make him/her happy'. Test him/her to make sure that he's/she's for real. If you don't, it might be one of the biggest thing you'll regret.

"One thing I've learned in all these years is not to make love when you don't feel it; there's nothing worse you can do to yourself than that"

- Norman Mailer

take care,

~daN~

Why Do So Many Teens Get Involved in Boy-Girl Relationships? (Part 2)

2009-01-26T22:22:00.007+08:00

So, we looked at the first reason of why so many teenagers get involved in BGRs. Let's now take a look at the next one. - They are looking for recognition among their friends.

There's a common sentence that we heard these days, "Hey man! You should meet my girlfriend. She's so hot!" or "She has a great personality!" or "She's amazing!" etc. What do all these phrases try to say? Showing off! Obviously. The reason - they are looking for recognition among their friends - is largely about showing off their BF/GF to their friends to gain recognition and approval.

This reason relates more to guys (although there are some girls as well). Why? Well, simply because of a man's ego. See, the one thing that almost ALL guys share in common (besides their bodies, so don't get any ideas) is that we have a BIG ego. This means that we are greatly influenced by what we want our friends to see us as. Their big ego is also the reason that very few guys would ever admit that they care about what people think about them (get it?). This ego causes many problems in their relationships. But that's another story for another day. (Some time, I'll write about man's ego and it's effect on relationships)

When guys start talking about their girlfriends and all that, single guys would always get picked on in the end. Even the ones with the 'not so good looking' girlfriends would get off easier than the single guys. Some guys would just shake it off and just not even remember the conversation. However, the rest would go home wanting to get a girlfriend, mainly because they just want to show they friends that they are capable of getting one.

In the girl's case, if they never had a boyfriend before, their friends might say that they're not wanted by guys. Some of them would feel that they need to prove their friends wrong. So they go ahead and get one.

When teens get involved in boy-girl relationships because of this reason, they're in only for the short-term. As in, just to prove themselves to their friends and then it's over. Relationships that were formed because of this reason usually end within the span of a few months. If they last longer, they'll be under stress and strain, unless both parties found a new reason for their relationship, i.e. long-term. So if you're evaluating your relationship right now, and that was the reason that you got into the relationship, it's not good enough and you have to find a better one to make it last.

However, what is the main cause of why they want to get recognition among their friends? Answer - Low Self-esteem. Will proving themselves to their friends in this area solve it? No. Because of their low self-esteem, many other problems will arise in the future, not just in their love life, but also in the working life and later, family life. What one needs to do is raise their self-esteem. He/she needs to know that he/she doesn't need to prove anything to their friends and their good enough. When they know this, they would be confident enough to know that 'what other people think about them doesn't matter as much as what they know about themselves'.

"Love yourself before you love others. Love comes from within, and if you don't know how to love yourself, how can you show love to another?"

take care,

~daN~

ps: Go ahead and share your thoughts and experiences.

Why Do So Many Teens Get Involved in Boy-Girl Relationships? (Part 1)

2009-01-24T22:50:00.015+08:00

My friend came up to me once and said, "Hey man!! You know what?? I just met this girl, and I love her so much!! I wanna get with her!!" I didn't say anything out loud. But inside I was thinking, "Dude, that's not love. You can't truly love someone if you don't know the real person inside him/her".

I find this happening quite a lot. It disturbs me in a way. I simply find it sad that so many people, especially teens, don't understand about what love truly is. They end up getting involved into something they think they know, but they don't. So it very often ends in painful break-ups and torturing relationships. Sounds familiar??

So let's start from the very beginning - Why do teens get involved in relationships? For what reasons to they want to 'get together'? What are some of their intentions and purposes?

There are many reasons. Let's list them out in a categorized way.

They just want to feel loved and accepted by someone.
They are looking for recognition among their friends.
They just want to have sex.
They want to satisfy their desire to get with the person they 'like' or have a crush on.
They want to try it out and see for themselves how one is like.
They're lonely and want someone to be with.
They miss their past relationship and want to taste it again. Like a 'bounce back' or something to do with their ex.
They want to 'dig' their BF/GF.
They are looking for a long-term commitment. But not marriage.
They have a grotesque personal reason.
They hope that the person would be a suitable person to spend the rest of their lives with.

Let's just talk about Number 1 - They just want to feel loved and accepted by someone. This is a common reason. Usually, when teens get into a relationship for this reason, it is because they haven't felt much love and acceptance from their parents and family.

Words like 'You're good for Nothing', 'You're useless', 'You never get anything right', and many similar downgrading words are a common cause of this. I think it's understood that not only verbal abuse, but also physical abuse, etc. are causes too. Broken families are major victims of this lack of love. Because of this lack of love, the desire in every human to be loved and accepted is not met. And so, teens would look for another source to get it. Their most popular and common source? Getting a BF/GF.

I would strongly discourage someone from getting in a relationship because of this reason. The reason is because in many cases, the relationship would end in a painful way. And he/she would not get their need met. It brings them back to the same problem - the Lack of Acceptance and Love.

What he/she needs to do instead is first accept themselves for who they are inside. Changes can be made, but at the end of the day, he/she must accept themselves. If they don't, they would be always looking for sources to quench their desire.

*This is my personal advice and has worked. Give it a try, you never know ;) *

"To Experience True Love, One Must First Learn to Love Himself"

Well, that's about all I have to say about the first one. I'll continue on the others in a few days. It's 1:30am where I am. As usual, please feel free to share your thoughts and experience. :D

Take care,

~daN~

Teenage Relationships and their Conflicts

2009-01-22T22:48:00.006+08:00

Relationships. They seem to be what every teenager is talking about today. From how they would get into one, to the problems that they face during one, and to the heartaches and heartbreaks after they end one.

There are so many different aspects to teenage relationships - parents, friends, ex-s, jealousy; just to name a few. The subject of 'Sustaining' a teenage relationship and keeping it alive is such a big subject in itself.

Thousands of teenagers around the world ask themselves, 'Why doesn't my relationship feel like it did before?' 'Why don't I feel the same way about him/her anymore?' 'Why does my relationship feel so dry?' 'Can my relationship last any longer?' and many such questions.

Each relationship has their similarities. And yet, even more so, they have their uniqueness and differences.

In most conflicts and fights in a teenage relationship, the underlying causes are assumptions, misunderstandings, and past hurts never dealt with.

Some sound advice - If it gets too out of control and both parties are hurling accusations and issues that are not even related, take a deep breath and think, 'Why were we having the quarrel in the first place?' When it is found out, go straight to it and handle that as objectively as possible. Then slowly, one by one, handle the other 'accusations' and 'issues' that were hurled at each other by asking questions (not in a bad way). The key is to be absolutely honest. Never be sarcastic when you're trying to make things right. It'll take you nowhere but backwards.

Here are some guidelines when handling conflicts and fights in teenage relationships:

Always, ALWAYS be honest. Don't be afraid, take turns to speak what you feel. If your BF/GF loves you, he/she would be willing to hear you out.
NEVER be sarcastic. Sarcasm does nothing but break hearts and makes things worst.
As much as possible, keep the conflict between the two of you. Telling others will only make them gossip and complicate your relationship.
Try not to assume too much. Ask nicely, and you will find out.
Loosen Up!! Unless it's as bad as you catching him/her cheating on you, it's not THAT bad once you look at it. *if he/she was happly cheating then the relationship is over*
If you're quarreling face to face and not on the phone, give each other a nice, big hug after it's solved. It helps!! Really. :D
Say, "I Love You". (unless you don't anymore, then there's big problems)

*I've come up with this for teenage relationships, so it might not work in Marriage Life.*

"Loves starts with a feeling, but then becomes a Choice"

*think about it*

Keep loving,

~daN~

ps: Feel free to share your thoughts and ask any questions about any problems in teenage relationships.