Why Do So Many Teens Get Involved in Boy-Girl Relationships? (Part 10)

Let's move on to number 10 - They have a grotesque or personal reason. This reason is pretty interesting actually. Let's get into it.

Individuals are motivated to act by different things. These motivations would compel and influence us to act in a certain way. In the area of relationships, sometimes people have certain 'objectives' or 'personal reasons' and why they get into them. For example, maybe this guy has the objective of getting many girlfriends? Or it could be wanting to learn about human behavior? It could be many things. Often, it is just sick or unethical. However, there are times where both parties have similar personal reasons. Thus, the term 'fling' emerges.

He/she might even think of it as a game. A game that they actively engage in to have fun and enjoy each other's company. In cases like this, if one party does not share the reason, but rather is serious about the relationship, he/she would most definitely get hurt. When the truth unfolds, he/she would feel cheated. Thus the term "player" and the phrase, "I got played".

However, if both parties share the same reasons, I suppose they will just be a 'fling'. This would most probably not hurt them. But, it would most probably affect them in one way or another. I believe that individuals must be very careful as to not fall into this, unless they have the same objectives.

Life is a zoo in a jungle.

- Peter De Vries

take care,

~daN~

Life is a game, don't get played.

Why Do So Many Teens Get Involved in Boy-Girl Relationships? (Part 9)

Okay!! So we're on to part 9.. (I can't wait to move on to the next subject)... :)

The next reason is that they are looking for long-term commitment. But not marriage. In most cases, this is because they are serious... but they do not have marriage in mind at the moment. I believe that this is a really good reason for getting into a relationship. It is when he/she is really interested in a long-term relationship and not playing around. Relationships based on this reason would be good learning experiences. Many individuals, including me, have gone through these kind of relationships and come out with a good experience and something that they would never forget or/and regret.

This is a really simple reason because, most of the time, it turns out with good outcomes. Either they do get married in the end, or they both realize that they are not meant for each other and split with good memories and no regrets. However, there are always those cases where it ends badly. As they say, "The longer the relationship, the more painful it will feel when it ends". Or at least I say that. I believe that when nearing those situations, both parties should try their best to be as objective as they can about when handling it. Looking at it as a good learning experience rather then broken hearts would help. Life would never be the same if one goes through such long-term relationships. By long-term, I mean at least 1 plus years.

In the end, it is up to each individual on how they look at it. One can choose to be either positive, or negative. Choosing whether to be optimistic or not would alter results and emotions drastically. Relationships can be learning experiences. They are not everything. You won't die because of one. Take a deep breath, count to ten, and see that life can be beautiful without him/her. There's someone special out there for you. Just wait and see. ;)

"Happiness comes of the capacity to feel deeply, to enjoy simply, to think freely, to risk life, to be needed"

- Storm Jameson

take care,

~daN~

Why Do So Many Teens Get Involved in Boy-Girl Relationships? (Part 8)

Alright!! I'm back again!! So now on to reason number 8 - They want to 'dig' their BF/GF.

This reason is as simple as it sounds. This is when a someone is, as they say it, 'in it for the money'. Although is my sound really cheap, it happens more than we expect it to. Money is not everything, however, money is definitely a strong motivator. People do all kinds of 'unethical' things for the sake of money.

This subject is fairly sensitive among the 'higher community'. Often, one would find it hard to be a hundred percent sure that his/her partner doesn't love him/her for the money. Especially if the individual is very wealthy. In such situations, one has to be very careful as people are becoming better and better at acting and faking it. Often, only time would tell.

This might sound 'fake' and 'sinister'. However, in many cases, the one that got into the relationship for the money starts to fall for his/her 'mark'. This may happened due to a few reasons. Let's take it back to the start.

Why would one get into a relationship for the money in the first place? One of the main reasons is because he/she experienced little or no love when he/she was growing up. Thus, he/she would not know how it's like to truly love and be loved in return. When their 'mark' shows them real and true love, they might actually fall in love as well. Thus, they wouldn't be in it for the money, but instead, for love itself. Another reason is that he/she was hurt by a past relationship that left him/her scared. This might cause him/her to lose hope in 'love'. Thus, money becomes the motivation for relationships in place of love.

In spite of the reasons and causes above, I still believe that each individual is responsible for their own actions. One has no right to blame their actions on something else or on their past. In the end, it's the decisions we make that would decide our reality. Shit happens. It's not how much shit that matters, it's how we react to them that does.

"Happiness depends upon ourselves."

- Aristotle

take care,

~daN~

Why Do So Many Teens Get Involved in Boy-Girl Relationships? (Part 7b)

Wow. It has been ages since I last updated. Almost a year!! Ok, so one year and a new city later (I'm in Melbourne). I've definitely seen more and experienced more than before. So here we go on to Part 7b - They miss their past relationship and want to taste it again. Like a 'bounce back' or something to do with their ex. We split this reason into two parts. So we're on the second part - Revenge of some sort.

Okay, for example, guy breaks up with girl. Girl takes it really badly; however, the guy 'seems' to not be affected by what's happened. This happens in many cases because of the ego that all guys have. Guys don't want to look emotional or 'weak', especially in front of other guys. That's just the way it works. Thus, they put on a front and pretend to 'not care'. This causes many girls to think that their ex is 'heartless' and such. Generally, the girl would just be heartbroken and try to forget his ever existence. However, some individuals would want to take revenge. How would they do this? He/she would get into a relationship JUST to rub it in his/her ex's face. This is extremely spiteful and I totally despise people who do this.

So then a new relationship is formed. Just think about it. How would a relationship made and built on spite turn out? Obviously, it'll most probably end not too long after it starts. And like I've mentioned before, unless he/she finds another reason for the relationship instead of just 'getting back' at his/her ex, it would end badly. Even more so in this case, as the individual is really an ass to get into a relationship just to spite someone else. This might sound like, "Who would ever do this?" But trust me people, it happens. (I guess some people are just real asses)

Since the basic cause for this is often just a misunderstanding, what one should do is be direct and get everything out in the open. Assumptions are one of the worst enemies of relationships of all kinds. As they say, "To Assume is to make an ASS of U and ME". Thus, I would advice to just be bold and say what you have to say. Ask what you need to ask. That way, there would be minimal misunderstandings and life would be so much simpler, with less drama. Everybody hates drama.

"In taking revenge, a man is even with his enemy; but in passing over it, he is superior"

- Sir Francis Bacon

take care people,

~daN~

Why Do So Many Teens Get Involved in Boy-Girl Relationships? (Part 7a)

It rained this morning. It hasn't rained a quite a while. I haven't updated in quite a while as well. Anyway, here I am. Moving on to Part 7!

So, reason number 7 - They miss their past relationship and want to taste it again. Like a 'bounce back' or something to do with their ex. This reason is broken into 2 parts. The first - Bounce Back. The Second - Revenge of some sort.

Today, let me explain the part 1 - Bounce Back. Okay, so let's say I just went through a BAD break-up. My feelings would be all over the place. During this time, all I would want is something or someone that could distract or take my attention away from the past relationship and the pain that comes with the memory. I'd be basically 'open'. Then I meet this girl the next day and I think she's pretty cool. Subsequently, I get with her so that I would have someone to put my attention on instead of thinking about my past hurts.

A new relationship is formed. It is one of the easiest ways to 'cure' the pain from the past break-up. And many people use that. However, there's a BIG problem. You see, the whole reason for the relationship was not because the girl's merits, but rather the pain from the past. In the future, both parties would eventually realize that their relationship was based on basically nothing. Unless they find another reason why they're together, their relationship would not last. It would probably end painfully. Thus the vicious cycle continues.

What one should do is find another source to distract himself. Maybe a new hobby, a new interest. Because if he doesn't, he would be forever trapped in the cycle of painful break-ups and bounce backs.

Never pretend to a love which you do not actually feel, for love is not ours to command.

-Alan Watts

till next time,

~daN~

ps: Part 7b is next

Why Do So Many Teens Get Involved in Boy-Girl Relationships? (Part 6)

Let us look at the list of reasons once again as a recap:

1. They just want to feel loved and accepted by someone. √
2. They are looking for recognition among their friends. √
3. They just want to have sex. √
4. They want to satisfy their desire to get with the person they 'like' or have a crush on. √
5. They want to try it out and see for themselves how one is like. √
6. They're lonely and want someone to be with.
7. They miss their past relationship and want to taste it again. Like a 'bounce back' or something to do with their ex.
8. They want to 'dig' their BF/GF.
9. They are looking for a long-term commitment. But not marriage. 
10. They have a grotesque personal reason.
11. They hope that the person would be a suitable person to spend the rest of their lives with.

The next reason is number 6 - They're lonely and want someone to be with. Many times, because one feels all alone and that no one 'cares' for them, they would turn to romantic relationships to 'keep them company'.

The problem about trying to use relationships to 'cure' their loneliness is that the base root problem isn't solved. And his/her inability to make friends or have company would be also brought into his/her relationship. This would also breed insecurity which will affect the relationship in a big way. If the root problem isn't solved, the individual's problem of loneliness would reoccur. And he/she would be back to square one.

Instead of trying to cure loneliness with BGR, one should do some self-improvement and learn to make friends and keep them, thus taking care of the root problem. Once the root problem, one can enter into relationships with a clear mind. This would remove many problems that insecurities and loneliness could cause.

However, there are cases that when the individual learns from their relationship and 'discovers themselves'. In other words, he/she 'opens up' and learns how not to be lonely anymore. In cases like these, the aspects of relationships themselves solved their problem of loneliness.

There are many different outcomes when it comes to relationships. This is because every one of us is different. Thus, in the end, it's in the hands of each individual.

"To fall in love is easy, even to remain in it is not difficult; our human loneliness is cause enough. But it is a hard quest worth making to find a comrade through whose steady presence one becomes steadily the person one desires to be"

- Anna Louise Strong

take care,

~daN~

Why Do So Many Teens Get Involved in Boy-Girl Relationships? (Part 5)

Okay!! Sorry for the long break.

Let's now move on to the next reason. Reason 5 - "They want to try it out and see for themselves how one(relationship) is like".

This reason is caused by curiosity. Curiosity is something that every one of us has. We may not want to admit it, but curiosity gets us into trouble many times, hence the phrase "Curiosity Killed the Cat". So what can we learn from this? That we must be careful of our curiosity because it can make us do things that could harm us.

Many, many teenagers get involved in relationships because of this reason. And as I said in Part 4, it is up to the individual to decide whether it'll turn out okay. In almost all cases, relationships that are made because of this reason don't last long. However, their break-ups are much less painful. Why? This is because the individuals (most of the time) are young, and this was their first relationship. It was very casual and most of the time, both parties would understand that they were just 'trying it out'.

However, if they got serious and had sex or any form of it, then it'll be bad (unless both parties were 'playing around'). So, what one must do is to watch out for his/her curiosity; because it could cause drastic consequences.

"One's first love is always perfect until one meets one's second love"

- Elizabeth Aston

take care,

~daN~